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So many thoughts, but I don't really know how to say it or how will I put it into words.. I don't even know why I am here, why I'm writing this none-sense post. But deep down my mind, I want to write something, but I can't really figure it out. There are lots of things, lots of feelings, lots of words, but I can't figure what I should put here..

How I wish I can be the "old" me.. The girl who can put what she really feels into words. The girl who knows exactly what to say or write. The girl who can blog in an instant. The girl who has no mixed thoughts on mind..

Hi.

Hello Kuya. *wave* Wala lang. Nagawa nanaman ako ng something for you. Wala eh, miss na kita kase. Hindi ko naman masabi sayo kaya dito nalang kahit alam kong hindi mo naman mababasa.

Nagsa-soundtrip nanaman ako. Ikaw lagi naaalala ko pag nagsa-soundtrip ako. Kasi nga diba, we used to listen to each others favorite songs. I super miss those days.

If and only if I could go back to that time were we used to talk everyday, I'll probably would. Pero wala eh.

In time, alam ko, mawawala ka din sa mind ko. :)

Trish

Dear You,

Hi Kuya.. Ewan ko ba bat ako nagba-blog ng ganito. Haha. Parang timang lang ehh. :)))) (Habang ginagawa ko tong post na to, binabasa ko din yung convo natin dati sa FB with matching tears and tawa at the same time. Parang tanga lang noh? Haha. Wala eh. Miss na kita, sobra.)

DECEMBER 25 - That was the first time that we meet. Hindi ko makakalimutan yun. Syempre pasko. Haha. Tsaka nakilala kita. Hindi ko makakalimutan yung day na yun, lalo na nung pinipilit mo ko painumin ng beer. HAHA. Badtrip yun eh. Tapos yung nakaupo ako, tas parang ilalaglag mo ko. Nagulat ako non. Tanda ko pa yun ohh. :p

After that. Hindi na ulit tayo nagkita. As in wala na. Pero May this year, nagkita ulit tayo.. Wala ka naman ginawa kundi asarin ako. Buset! Haha. Naalala ko pa non, ang bango ng pabango mo. HAHA. :P

Tapos dun sa Lalaguna, dun mo din ako tinawag na "KID". Then nung mag-dinner na, ikaw katabi ko non eh. Lilipat kapa nga ng upuan non kasi sabi mo dapat si Gelo katabi kasi akala mo may something samin pero wala naman. Haha. Tapos diba, wala ako tinidor non, sabe ko di ako sanay ng walang tinidor, ginawa mo yung fork mo binigay mo sakin. Tapos pinaglagay mo pa nga ako ng kanin non eh. Oha! Tanda ko pa. Haha. Limot mo na yun for sure. :p Tapos nung pauwi na, sabi mo, "Ge,ingat kid." HAHAHA. Kid pa din. Buong gabi, KID tawag mo saken. Leshe!

May 14 - We started chatting.

As days have passed, ewan ko, ako lang siguro yung nag-assume na nagiging close na tayo. Pero di eh, sabi mo mga kclose mo lang inaasar mo. Eh lagi mo kaya ako inaasar, so close na tayo. Haha. :p After chat, naging textmates na tayo, minsan natawag ka, then viber. Alam mo bang kaya ako nagviber gawa mo? Hahaha. Wala lang. Sabi mo nga, malakas impluwensya mo sakin. Oo, tama ka, malakas nga apekto mo sakin. :)

BUT August 16 came.. Yun yung date na sobrang ayako. Bakit? Dun kasi tayo nag-away eh. Sobrang tanga ko. Days passed, wala eh. Wala na talaga. Tinetext kita, nagsosorry ako. Pero wala eh. Inisip ko nalang busy ka. Pero hindi, kahit busy ka, kung gusto moko kausap tulad ng dati, maguusap tayo, pero hindi eh, wala na. Kaya ayun. Dun, dun nagsimula lahat.

Everytime makikita ko name mo sa chatbox ko, natetempt ako na ichat ka, pero wag nalang, kasi busy ka nga tsaka ayaw mo ko kausap.. Rinding rindi na friends ko sakin kaka-sabi at kaka-rant sakanila kung gano kita namimiss, kahit di ka naman nilala kilala. Hahahaha.

Gusto ko lang naman sabihin na,  I miss you, I miss you ALOT. Miss na kita kakulitan tsaka kachat eh. Wala na naga-away sakin everyday. Wala na nagshe-share ng kanta sakin. Wala na natawag sakin ng Kid, kung meron man, naiinis ako kasi hindi ikaw yun.. Hay Kuya, balik na tayo sa dati ohh. Maging close na ulit tayo. HAHA. Pero ASA PA KO. Hindi na mangyayari yun. As in never.. Ramdam ko. Sana ramdam lang. Ay ewan gulo ko. Tama na nga kabaliwan na to. As if mababasa mo. Hahaha.

Miss na kita Baboy. Sobra sobra. Hope you miss me too. (asa pa ko!) 

Trish

And I miss everything about you..

Everyday, every single day, I'm missing you...

I miss the old times. I miss the way you tease me. I miss those times where we share our own favorite songs and listen to it. I miss those time where all you do is to piss me off. Those times where we used to talk, non-stop. Most especially, I'm missing You..

I know that it's impossible to be back to what we used to. But there's still a part of me that want it to happen. Maybe because I fell inlove with you even before I realized it. I'm still hoping that one day, one day we can go back to what we used to..

I miss you terribly..

Will I....? Someday..

There's still a part of me that wants to fall in love again. Want to feel the feeling of being inlove and to be loved.. I know, someday I will. Someday when someone walks into my life and will show me that he can love me despite of my imperfections and immaturity. Someone that will prove me that pushing him away won't be enough for him to stop loving me. Someone who can do everything and anything for me. Someone that's not perfect but man enough to stand to his promises. Someone that is God-centered and will put God into the center of our relationship.


I hope someday..

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I know that it's been 2years and 8months since I had a relationship. That being, "Trisha" that they know, I won't be single for this long. But people do change, especially when their heart has been broken into million of pieces.

You can't blame me for staying single for this long. I know that my friends wants to see me "happy" again, happy being inlove to someone that loves me too. But I don't think that will happen SOON. I'm still afraid to take the risk, to give a chance and to trust again.

"How will I know if I won't try?" I've been asking myself that questions alot of times, being me, I always end up to, "I'm still afraid. I don't want to get my heart broken again. I don't want to get hurt."

I don't even know if will I ever love again..

The Real Reason..

People ask me, "Why are you still single?" and I always answer them, "I'm happy. I'm happy being single. Masaya naman eh." BUT I know deep inside that's not the real reason. I know there's a deeper reason.

And the reason is, "I'M AFRAID" I'm afraid to get hurt again. I don't want my heart to get broken again for one last time. I can't afford to have another heartbreak.  I really don't think that I can manage to have one again. I'm afraid to take the risk. I'm afraid to try again.

Some say that, "How will you know if you haven't tried?'. Yes, they're right, how will I know. BUT.. I don't know.. I don't really know what to say. It's hard. For a girl like me that have been through alot of pain, I don't think I'm still brave enough to take some risks.

Will I ever get a chance to fall inlove again? Or will I be forever in this state?